As we are in the middle of the weekend, I had a few thoughts in regards to the subject of ‘the internet is not all it seems’.
I just released a new pdf pattern yesterday, and in working through the pattern testing process, I had to admit to my testers that someone in my family has been going through medical emergency after medical emergency for the past two months. Many of the testers expressed their concern for me, and also mentioned that, looking at my blog, you would never know that I was going through some difficult times. This really made me think, and I looked at my blog, and you know, they are right. In the last two weeks, I posted a finished quilt, new dress, an embroidered project, a huge decorator pillow, the new bag pattern, and another new bag pattern that I had just finished sewing. It looks like I’m more or less on a roll.
I thought that the family member in hospital couldn’t get much more serious, but this morning it did, and I found myself today at work, in the middle of the work day, hysterical and crying. I’m not talking about this on my blog because I want everyone to feel sorry for me, but I want to make a point about something that I’ve been thinking about this week. Everything that you see on the internet or on blogs is not as glossy and pretty as it really is in real life.
I think it’s sometimes hard, for crafters, to look at blogs. Sure, we are inspired to be creative! But sometimes it can be hard to see all of the great projects a person is posting, or how amazing their sewing room looks, or I can’t believe their living room is so decorated with the stenciled walls and the reupholstered couches in the Amy Butler fabric. And then we look around, and our sewing room is a mess (papers and fabric piled sky high), or you haven’t had time to do the dishes today, or the kids are crying.
So, I guess I’m not saying not to post your cool projects on the internet. Of course you should! I am just trying to say, that for me at least, my life is not one awesome Pinterest page all the time.
This week, I also read this blog post by Mary Fons, about a quilting tv episode she had filmed. In response to that filming, a photo was taken of Mary at work and ruthless comments ensued on the Fons and Porter Facebook page. People called Mary a nitwit and various other rude names. If we weren’t all sitting behind a computer, would this same thing have happened? Would you go up to a teacher at a quilt shop, eye up their project, and call them a nitwit or that they were stupid? I’m sure that would never happen. I had a friend post a picture of a finished project on a company’s Facebook page last year, and one commenter stated that her fabrics must have been chosen by a child, because they were ugly.
So, I don’t know where I was going with this. I guess I wanted to take notice that even though we are all sitting behind our computers, each of us have feelings and a heart that can be hurt, and we all have things going on in our lives that may not be perfect. But I think that the one thing we have in common is the sewing, and, on a basic human level, we can all connect with and appreciate that.
<3 We’ll all be here, make sure you take time for you.
Very cool post…I use my blog as a diary almost; and I do that because of how I felt when I first started reading blogs…that the majority of them were perpetrating a big, fat fraud…I didn’t want to come off like that at all, I just wanted to share my stuff and some of me too I guess…and you’re sooooo right I am at my wits end with this internet rudeness thing…this day and age irritates (excuse my French) the HELL outta me because folks really feel that they can just say whatever they want because they cant be confronted….this post was needed and I hope it reaches who it needs to reach as it reached me…Thanks for sharing!
I hope things take a turn for the better for your family. You are so right about things being not what they seem, I am pretty sure everyone does this to some extent. I know for me it is easier to post the happy and craft is my escape from whatever else is going on.
So sorry to hear about your family. Thank you for sharing. Very true words.
Thank you for sharing! I totally understand. That is why I haven’t posted on my own blog is for a while. My life has been so crazy busy that sitting and writing just isn’t there.
Take care of yourself! I appreciate your honesty. 🙂
Good words. So easy to forget that we don’t really see a person’s life when we read a blog. Only that which they chose to post. I am praying for your family member for healing and for you, for comfort! So hard. So sorry.
I hear you girl! I guess that’s one reason I don’t blog and watch my comments very carefully. I have a lot of other interests as well and these rude & unacceptable comments come up everywhere!
Best to your family member and I hope things are improving. Hang in there!
Hang in there, I hope your family member gets better ASAP.. You really hit the nail on the head, it’s all too easy get an impression that everyone else only sews really good things with no virtual mistakes and you are the only one who has to shelf projects because you’ve hit a mental and skill wall.. Wish you the best..
I guess bullying goes on everywhere and not just to children. I too rarely post what is going on in my life, but I also try only to post encouraging remarks.
Thinking and praying for your family. You’re right about not knowing what is going on in anyone’s life behind the scenes. It’s kind of like going to a quilt show (our local guild’s was a couple weeks ago). You never know if the person looking at the same quilt as you is the maker so be careful about making out loud comments. People put their heart and souls into their entries so a misspoken comment can hurt or even squelch someone or their ideas. Something I’d been thinking about. Thanks for the reminders.
You are totally right about not knowing what is going on behind the keyboard of someone’s computer. I would have never guessed what was going on behind the scenes of your blog because you have been on a roll. For me, my sewing and blogging is my escape. I am sure that reading my blog no one would guess how my life has been turned upside down.
I find that today, people no longer care for others feelings and say hurtful things without even thinking. Whatever happened to the rule, if you don’t have anything nice to say then say nothing at all?
I really hope your family member is ok and will be out of the hospital soon.
Very nice post, hope things get better very soon. People are so very rude these days. I saw it on a closed Facebook group today about canning food! But I think there are so many sweet people out there doing blogs like you. It’s refreshing to come to your blog and only see uplifting inspiring things you’ve put your heart into. Keep up the great work! You are appreciated.
you have left us with a lot to think about today, wishing the family member better health. I do not understand why people have to be so cruel, if you cannot say a good word about someone I say keep quiet. Popped over to Mary`s site to read what she had written but not able to post a comment but I did so feel for her, she seems a fiesty lady fortunately so will get ovrt the vicious things posted and hopefully soon.
We probably all have things going on in our lives, I find my stitching is what keeps me sane with all that is happening that i wish was not happening
Sara
I hope that everything works out in the end. I am so sorry that you are having to go through such a testing time. Please know that while we might not be there for you in person most of the people who read your blog will understand if your real life got in the way.
Huge hugs for all of you.
oh, Sara, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Sending you hugs xxx
I tend to keep my blog to craft related things on the whole, when I eventually get around to updating it. It’s a personal choice what to reveal and I am often shocked at how many people choose to be cruel instead of staying quiet.
Hope things at home improve soon.
Sara, thank you for sharing the good and the bad… Thinking of you and your family this week! I appreciate you
maybe the use of the internet for some is a release from the pain in their lives .. I use it that way x …. and for some it is just a way to be nasty x there are always those out there ready to critisize ,.. generally dont see them posting anything of their own though x Chin up and keep posting your (to me anyway) inspiring projects and posts xx
I so hope things work out for you and your family soon. I really wish more people would keep their blogs real. It doesn’t mean having to share every bit of private stuff but just enough to make it more ‘real.’And not make every reader feel inadequate because they don’t have the same seemingly perfect life. xx
Powerful and poignant post. Eloquent. Real. Just as real as your beautiful dresses and quilts. I hadn’t read Mary Fons’ post, but that gave me Plenty to think about too. I recently got back from a little trip, to find 2 emails in my inbox, one snail mail, and 3 blog posts from quilters, Apologizing for not replying quickly enough, not posting soon enough, Not Being Perfect June Cleaver (or ____insert name of favorite quilt idol/goddess/fabric designer here.) And I had to admit, I’ve also written similar words. As my DH likes to remind me sometimes “You bow to no (wo)man/ no one.” Which is what I would say to each and every one of us creative souls. I dearly hope you and your family make it through all right. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I had read that post about Mary Fons and thought the exact same thing. People are writing on the internet hurtful things that they would never say to someone’s face. It brings to mind cyberbullying. On another note, I’ve always enjoyed your blog and I’m sorry for your troubles. Try to keep a positive attitude.
You are so right. I mostly keep my private live out of my blog. I decided on this as quilting is a bit of an escape from all the stress of real life. My blog is a bit of ” a happy space” and I try to keep it that way. I have never had a nasty comment, but I admit I am very careful with my words and am weary for cultural differences. Even between the US and Europe there are differences in the interpretation of words even if we are using the same language. What can be offensive for the reader may not have been intended by the writer.
I also strongly believe that some people will abuse the internet to vent their frustration. There will always be bullies and some of them may not even know they are bullies! They are “just speaking their mind”, right?? ( sacrasm! )
Hope your family member will be better soon!
Esther
esthersipatchandquilt at yahoo dot com
ipatchandquilt dot wordpress dot com
Praying for you and your family, Sara. Thank you for this heartfelt post. Yes, I believe people should be careful with their words, and that we should be looking to support and uplift one another, and not tear each other down. And we should each be thankful for the abilities we have and the situations we are in. My home is certainly not worthy of a Better Homes and Gardens entry. But it is my home and I am grateful for this place where I can create beauty through fabric.
Thank you. The name calling starts at the top and who is at the top in this country? Folks in Congress and the media could do a wealth of good for this country if they would just start being postive instead of trashing the competition.
Hope you are doing ok. I thought of you several times today. Not in relation to what you are going through, more in relation to my project in a ‘Sara would have a fabric-orgasm’ kinda way. 😉
Big (((((HUGS))))) And yes, there’s a reason I don’t share pics of my sewing space, there are tidier bomb sites ;o)
So sorry your family has been going through a hard time. Thinking of you all. Thanks for your insightful post Sara.
Hugs to you and your family. My blog is my get away from the real world. We all have our challenges in life, when you meet someone you never know what challenges they’re going through so my motto is be kind and greet everyone with a smile.
Oh Sara,,,,I’m sending you some cyber love! Can’t wait to hug you in real life! xox
Oh Sara, I do hope thing’s get better soon. I’m so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Well put. I have tried to start my own blog many times and failed due to health issues of my own and an inability to keep up with it. You are amazing!!
I hope the relative with the medical emergency is on the mend. I enjoy reading blogs by the “big names” as well as by the not-so-famous or prolific quilters. I have gotten so much useful quilting information as well as inspiration from both sources.
Thinking of you and your family this week and praying that things get better on that front. Great post, and yes, even though I blog all the time, even sometimes I forget this simple message.
Hugs, Sara. I’ll say a prayer for your family.
Also… I’m really offended on behalf of Mary. She seems like a genuinely nice and bad-ass person. And she looks exactly like my sister. I wish I could hear some of these cowards spit this nonsense in real life sometimes.
I too am thinking of you and your family, I have been there. Nice post too, I view craft blogs to be daily diaries, but rather a place to show off one’s work, so I have never expected that it is a full picture of anyone’s life. In fact, I am always surprised to hear that anyone at does, but it seems that many do. Most of us prefer to keep most of our private life in the real world only. And I agree about the negative comments, luckily the crafting world is mostly polite and positive most of the time.
Sorry to hear things are not going well for your family right now. I started to read the Mary Fons post and stopped. People are rude and feel they can rant about others, disregarding how that can and does get back to those people. It’s a shame and these people should keep their negativity to themselves.
Praying for you and your family. Thank you for your blog, I really enjoy it.
Meg
Sara I am glad you posted this. Some blogs do tell a lot about their personal life and perhaps it’s because they feel better when someone makes a nice comment to them or perhaps they just need to get it off their chest and that in itself makes them feel better.
I like to go to visit blogs that inspire me and if I am having a personal problem sometimes reading uplifting stories or seeing some great creativity can make me feel better. I am not one for letting the world know about my problems either, but we all handle stress and other situations differently. You obviously need to keep busy and create to take your mind off your personal situation. I am like that most of the time too.
Yes it is amazing how rude and unkind people can be through blogs and emails. But I do believe there are far more kinder people than there are bullies. I think your blog same says it all, “Sew Sweetness” and that’s just who you are! Sara Sew Sweetness. Wishing you the best.
I too don’t understand cruel or thoughtless comments. If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t comment. I always try to leave a positive comment about something in someone’s quilt or block that I like even if it is not to my taste. I have taken classes on Craftsy and people leave the most hurtful comments. Sorry about your family member. My stepdaughter is undergoing a lot of stress at work and she puts it all out on Facebook so her support group/family can be there for her.
Responding to blogs on the internet is much the same as when you are driving along and some idiot just did a stupid maneuver, so you yell or raise a finger at them. Or when you sit in front of the TV and make comments about a news announcer’s hairstyle or jewelry or outfit, or you chide a contestant on Wheel of Fortune because they didn’t get the puzzle right. It’s the Veil of Anonymity that makes people loosen their tongues and lash out. And you’re right – these same people wouldn’t say the same things in person. What’s the solution? I don’t see one, as this is human nature.
For me, at least, I enjoy the quilting blog community so much because it is an escape to an easier, peaceful place. And even though it appears that life is hunky-dory for the blogger about whom I’m reading, I know from life experience that there are always unseen factors in play behind each of those written words. As mean and hateful as those ill-chosen responses are from a disgruntled reader, you have to wonder what’s going on in their lives to make such insults public.
I sure hope your family’s situation takes a turn for the best soon. Acknowledge your fear and anxiety and find a release with other family or friends. (((HUGS)))
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I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand not wanting to share on your blog or put it out in the world, but some of the best support I have now for what I struggle with on a daily basis I have found by opening up on my blog. You are so right about how easy it is to jump to judgment. Easiest thing ever actually, but it is the strong person who stands back for a moment to consider what we aren’t seeing in the perfect photograph. You are in my prayers.
well said. Like yours, my blog tends to portray a rosy life of sewing and quilting when indeed, real life is actually going on behind the scenes. Hugs to you and your family.
Hope things improve for your family – my blog is my craft diary so it doesn’t include all the day to day stuff but maybe I want to escape that stuff when online.
Sorry to hear about your family’s medical problems. Hang in there. As for the rude things people say………..I try to live by what my mother always taught me – If you haven’t got anything good to say – don’t say ANYTHING. Love your posts …
I loved your post. I hope things improve for you family. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
I blog mainly about my crafts and choose not to say much about my personal life over the net. It’s very true what you say. When I first started blogging I was amazed at how much people got done and how tidy their homes were. Mine is not and I struggle to keep up sometimes but I now realize that a photo on someone’s blog can be very misleading. I’ve always been amazed at the amount of work you get done especially with young children around. You are an inspiration to all of us and appreciate that you’ve confided in us about your family. My policy is if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all. I’m all for constructive criticism but being nasty is not on.
i also have a family member going through a lot of health issues and i’ve been to many emerg and doctors visits as well, but when i get home and turn on my computer to look at my blogs i find i can forget the stress of the day and focus on pretty fabric instead. then it motivates me to sew and i’m chilling nicely. i’m not looking for picture perfect things, just want to hear about what others make and your blog does that nicely. i do like that you did shared today and reminded us of what the internet really is.
Big hugs to you and your family, hope all is good soon :). Blogs are just a snapshot of what the writer wants us to know, nothing more, pictures can bet set up, and manipulated , personally, I show e good the bad and the ugly, because I am, well, human after all. Take good care of you too 🙂 x
Very well said, Sara. So sorry for what your family is going through right now.
I applaud you. I love this post. There is too much “mean” out there in the internet world. I have to say that on sewing blogs there seems to be much more “nice” than “mean.” Every blog I read may not have anything I want to read every single day, but I still respect the feelings of each person and always try to see them as real people. I cannot even imagine being mean to ANYONE on a blog, any more than I would be mean to someone to their face. Why??? Thanks to all of you for being so nice and teaching me so much every day. We are all awesome on any given day, and when we aren’t being awesome, we are still being real people and living our days the best we can.
love this post, so very true! and i’m sorry about your dear family member! hang in there! x
love this post, so very true! and i’m sorry about your dear family member! hang in there! x
Great post. You are so right about everything today. Hope your family member gets better. I wish one of these days I could find time to clean my sewing room enough to make pictures to show. Until then, I’ll just keep sewing and quilting. It will help relieve some of the fabric clutter…
I think everyone should go by “if you can’t say something nice, just don’t say anything at all” and even the internet would be a better place!!!
I was chatting to three young Mums this afternoon who were all saying how hard they were finding life with a toddler and how they all felt they were making it up as they went along and just not coping as things were far from perfect.I assured them that all parents feel like that and urged them to realise that perfection is for magazines and to reassure themselves that the mothers at the school gate who blather on about how brilliant and perfect their kids /lives are are lying so hard their pants have long since flamed away. The internet can sometimes be like a magnified, simplified version of that ‘school gate boasting’ scenario, where every home is enviably gorgeous and arty, every project successful…but with added super-insecure rude people ready to be unpleasant about ANYTHING at a moment’s notice as it somehow makes them feel better/superior. Fortunately it also has really nice people too, with normally chaotic lives into which they manage to squeeze awesome creativity and kindness. Hurrah for these people and the internet that lets us share with them.
BIG hug Sara!x
here here!
Sara – first and foremost, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your comments are not the first time I have read about the inconsiderate, to put it mildly, comments some readers post. It has made me think about our responsibility as bloggers. Maybe part of that responsibility is educating our readers on cyber-etiquette, in an appropriate way of course. Cyber hugs!!!
I am a new quilter and had my daughter help me start a blog as I wanted feedback from people who love quilting and crafting as much as I love it. It’s really nice to know there are others that like what you are making, and it gives you the confidence to keep on attempting new things. I try to keep my posts as real as possible and be myself when writing them. People should definitely keep nasty comments to themselves! I had five children in 8 years so was very busy while they were little and a blog would have been a fantastic outlet for me but internet wasn’t as huge as it is now. My life had become one big long Ground Hog Day with running kids around housework cooking cleaning and looking after the family. Sewing brought that creative passion back into my life and makes me happy, keeps me sane and makes me a much better Mother and Wife. I love your blog and all the other fantastic people out there that have posted tutorials as this is where I have learnt everything about quilting! I purchased one of your bag patterns the other day and can’t wait to get started on it. Hope all goes well for you. There is lot’s of support out there channeled your way 🙂
I totally agree about the people who feel compelled to make negative or hurtful comments. I do know of some who in a class with a national teacher, who had written many books, had a fabric line & rotary cutting templates to tell her that they had a better way & had she ever thought of this or that & maybe more people would buy her products if she chose her colors more thoughtfully! I don’t blog, I just read them & even with all the apparent “perfectness” out there, I know the writers are human & I enjoy so much the posts.
Hope you and your family will be better very soon.
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I’m so sorry to hear about your family member and will be sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Your words are so true and I think we all battle with what to share with our readers.
Well said, Sara. There are real people, with real lives, behind the computer screen/pretty pictures/completed projects… and sometimes we all lose sight of that. I think it’s a good thing to remind people that behind the finished projects can be messiness, frustration, tears, late dinners (that aren’t always healthy), dirty dishes, piles of laundry, and on and on. I thank you, and appreciate you, for your frankness.
Your post reminds me of Plato’s quote: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” We just don’t know what is really going on in other people’s lives, every tiny bit of kindness can only be a help and encouragement. Thank you for that reminder!
I’m so sorry to hear about your family member, and I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. <3
That is all so very true! I don’t think people would read my blog if I just posted pictures of my messy house work and piles of washing…pretty sewing projects are much nicer to look at! Sorry to hear about your family member. Hugs to you all xx
How brave and wonderfully honest of you to open up and share with us the difficulties in your life at the moment. I shall be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Everything you have said is true – it is so easy to just assume that everything is just perfect in the lives of those we read about when in reality most are just sharing one aspect of their lives, and the personal stuff is very often hiding unsaid and out of view.
As for rudness and hurtful comments well they are inexcusable. I think that we should each of try to treat people as we would want to be treated ourselves. Respectfully.
You are spot on Sara! I post it all. The good, the bad, the positive, the negative, I post what is going on in my life. I once had a blogger tell me she came to see my quilts, nothing else and didn’t appreciate my posting about my grandchildren, the dog, whatever. It is my blog and I will post it all. When my son went missing who is incidentally homeless by choice, the ugliness that ensued showed me how distant we are from reality when we hide behind our computers! You are sunshine to the blog and I am praying for your family issues!
omigoodness, a no brainer if ever there was one, & sad that it should even need pointing out. i hope your family member gets a break in their health issues and turns for the better right now! and i hope that the sewing you ARE doing while stressing about life is something that helps you get through things and that’s why you do it – don’t ever feel like you have owe ANYTHING to an audience through a computer screen – those with brains and hearts KNOW you are human just like we are, struggling with any number of “life” issues each day – those that are rude, ignorant, mean – well honestly, screw ’em. take care of your health and your family, and use your sewing and your blogging as outlets for your own personal creativity on your own terms, period.
Love this post. It is absolutely so true that it is easy to assume everyone is living a pinterest board life. I love that comment! Thanks for inspiring me.
Ah, Sara, so truthful and so needed to be said. Why people just say anything these days without considered the effects of their words…. beyond my comprehension. You are loved and cared for, so take care of yourself, too!
Great post. I wish your family member all the best. It is so true while that things may not be all what hey seem but I also believe when you need to share that is a good thing….what are friends for right?
I am glad you shared :-).
Do hope all the medical issues are solved and your loved one is doing better soon.
I agree with you in so many ways about the internet. I don’t think anyone would say the things they do (especially the negative) if they were in front of the person they are speaking to. It’s really very sad. I always liked what Thumper said to Bambi ~ ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’.
Thinking of you and your family ~ sending love and peace.
Great post!! It looks like you have a lot of people supporting you. Stay strong!! We are here for you.
Well said, Sara! Life is often so full and crazy behind the scenes. It’s good for us all to remember that holds true for everyone else we look at and think things must be going smoothly for them. Thank you for sharing what you did.
Sending love and best wishes at this busy, emotional time!
First of all – I hope the ill family member gets better. It is awful when a loved on is seriously ill and there’s nothing we can do. It’s totally up to you whether you talk about it on your blog (some people find it helps) or keep it to yourself (some people find that helps!). I sometimes do talk about personal stuff on my blog, but one thing I always make sure to do is show my crafting failures. Despite the fact I know most people keep their failures to themselves, I do often fall prey to believing they have perfect lives.
I also got my first nasty comment this week. I couldn’t help but reply… I knw I shouldn’t have.